The Zen of digging a hole

Ever grab a shovel and just start digging most people don't because they say its to hard or their soft little hands blister way to soon.   Thats the goal pussy push yourself past the point of pain past the point of thought to the point where you just become machine.  Dig a hole and dig it deep and big this is no two or three day project. Stay out there a good 8 to 10 hours shovel in hand digging how long till you break how long till you quit how long till you just go why in the fuck am I doing this shit. First thing to go is your hands they will blister then pop and it hurts like a mother fucker, next go your arms they turn to jello barely able to lift the dirt from the hole, then your back from throwing the dirt out of  the hole and twisting, then your legs from pushing the shovel in deeper and your mind is fucking with you this whole time telling you to quit like a whining little baby inside of you thinking about other shit and how much this sucks and shit that you would rather be doing.  Now get past all this pussified bullshit running through your body and mind and none of it fucking matters next thing you know your hands are bleeding your head is blank you cant feel shit from your neck down and your just digging like the shovel was always part of you.  No real point to this I just hate whinny pussies that can't to anything for themselves. fuck you very much and enjoy zen

The Ashes of Laughter

There were good times and I remember the laughter just like it was yesterday.  But as soon as it left my mouth it turned to ashes and fell to the ground like the  first  light snow of winter another grand time has come and past falling dead as it escaped from with in.  As I watch the ash of laughter slowly descend to the ground that my tired feet are standing I realize I am standing in and adding to an already thick dense sludgy layer of filth of good times that have past.  I watch as people trudge through it on their normal routines and even allowing their children to play in it while they sip peppermint mocha's.  To say the word happy I would have to know the condition was it real, stoned, drunk or high laughing while waiting for the truth to set in or the come down or hang over to kick in.  Fun's over now what stuck back into the mundane clutches of societies ruling paw.  It sure feels good to get away with something oh that enjoyable rush.  Lets take away life's safety net and make it exciting.  I cant seem to hold a smile for more than a couple seconds.  The laughter that I do keep inside at  least what is left never really sure why I always keep a little for myself.  I don't know why its almost like a gift that is to valuable to just hand out to a stranger its the little things like this the little things I keep that secure that little bit of happiness that I keep inside.  You took most of it fuckers  but the real shit will never be yours.

Dont ask me questions

Don't ask me questions for all I have for your are lies.

Don't tell me do to anything cause it wont get done.

Don't ask me to go anywhere I have probably been before.

I hear the shit that falls from your mouth only for a little bit.

Then just the thought of standing there makes me sick.

Don't  make me promises that you can't  keep.

Don't tell me things will get better when you don't even know me.

Maybe I like them just the way they are.

Maybe my happiness is this creative pain that I create for myself.

A life where nothing means something and  something means nothing.

Pain and anger are motivation when placed within the correct harness.

So ask your questions and enjoy my lies.

At least its worth a giggle for me on your account.

From the Inside

My insides are screaming and clawing to get out.  It's like there is a war going on inside of me and nothing can stop it.  Yet some how my skin has the ability to contain it and keep it all in.  This is rage trapped into yet another cage it wants out and I want to rip open my skin and let it out what ever it is that races through my veins.  I just want to poke a little hole and see if it makes things feel better.  Maybe I will cut deeper or to deep and someone will notice this time.  I like the pain of tattoos it takes me away for a few hours but how long will that help.  Eventually I will have to go deeper for relief.  I am waiting for sleep to come just so I can switch off my brain I just hope I can sleep for a lot longer its peaceful there.

What is the purpose of life

I have done shit to make myself happy in this life.  I take shitty jobs cause I think that's what you are supposed to do.  But I usually fuck that up in a matter of time I guess just basically realizing that work bores the fuck out of me.  Especially when you have to listen to some asshole who wants things done his way this usually ends up in a compete burning of the bridge.  Because if it sucked there once who the fuck wants to go back.  Now at 40 I realize I am stuck on an island with nothing.  I have already killed and eaten all that was there to live on burned all my bridges getting there fuck there isn't even a boat or a raft to float off into oblivion  no where insight to even swim to.  Its like now I just want to walk out into the water and scrape and cut my feet on the sharp coral and swim out to where the sharks are feeding.  There will be no boat or plane coming soon this is no Gillian's island.  My will to stay and fight is far less knowing that at best things will only be  the same.  Yet they say there is comfort in things being the same.  Its the boredom that scares the shit out of me now.  To much free time so little to do trust me your mind will fuck you.

The Day My Soul Left My body

Sure as shit I kid you not I know the exact day my soul left my body what replaced it I have no idea but I knew I was no longer the self I grew to know.  It was a late night at a warehouse party in the early 90's.  I had been reading a book on self transportation and remote viewing it just so happens at the time.  To make a long story short the whole idea of self transportation is based on the ability to align your chakras and get them all in the same patterns of rotation a so called inter peace type state.  This is done through studying and understanding how your body works and breathing and focus which I was no where near understanding or option 2 a shit load of drugs I just so happened to end up with option 2 this particular night.  Believe me this was something totally unintended and defiantly  unwanted.  So on with the story so the party was going good had a pocket of lsd just in case we couldn't obtain any x so the night was getting late as was the x so I decided to take a couple hits of the lsd not something new to me just out with friends trying to have a good time and things were just about to get better.  Well not long after taking the lsd low and behold a hand shake from an old friend revealed the x little did I know at the time but the lsd still hadn't taken its effect yet so I swallowed the pill.  It didn't take long after that for things to really kick in and kick in they did the whole world got really good it was like nirvana I remember dancing and feeling every nerve in my body supercharged.  My best friend came up to me to check on me and asked me how I was doing I told him the best ever.  He said I'm keeping my eye on you and with in an hour it was a good thing that he was I was so out of it just not on the same plain so he said lets go outside for a smoke.  On the way out of the building with each step my soul lifted up higher and higher till it was already outside looking back at me as I walked out then it hovered above us at the other end of the parking lot and I could see myself through both sets of eyes. Then it just vanished.  So to the fucker out their wearing my soul I hope you enjoy it cause the one inside me now sucks.

Where is the real life shit

I stopped by to give this blogging bit a shot and I am just wondering where the fuck all the people are where are the artists, writers and poets. All I can find on here is some lame fucking shit about how to bake fucking cookies of some lame ass family reunion photos  of some fucks that I just hope I never have to see while waiting in line for a cup of coffee.  Show me the struggle the people writing while fighting yet another fucked up war.  People that are pissed that the price of gas can go from $4 to $2 basically overnight.  People who fucking hate this lame ass controlled life that is forced upon us.  The people fucking unemployed and pissed off because someone came in to do their job for less money. Where are the people getting butt fucked by the system.  I fucking know it isn't a fucking bed of roses out there for everyone now.  If you think it is check your retirement package that you thought was going so well.  In the 60's it was time for revolution don't see that happening just a bunch of spineless jellyfish floating in a sea of fuck hoping they don't get caught up in a big floating pile of whale shit before the next mating season.  Your TV is killing you your identity no longer matters.  You google yourself every week just to see if your life was even worth a shit.  You have created nothing you work a shit job you stop off at the store for a 6 pack and some food and disappear into oblivion.  You have not made one single impact on this world except for the fuck trophy you created one night after to many shots and a couple lines of coke.  Pissed off yet.  I sure hope so cause if your not pissed now mother fuckers you aren't living.  Shit your not even fucking breathing.